Setting healthy boundaries in life is not easy. Are you all over the place and you wonder? For who am I living my life? Is it for other people or are I am living for myself. This is something that you have to ask yourself. Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we forget to enjoy it. Joy can be found in the small things, that certainly will be overlooked when life is becoming too busy. The more busy you are, the more you value something that is outside of your reach.
Always trying to achieve more and with this rat race, you lose focus on what is most important. All the things that you want are probably right with you, but when your surroundings are taking advantage of your boundaries, you become stressed and everything close to you becomes vague.
You almost are starting to think that it is your fault that you are not feeling well, and guilt starts bubbling up. This is where I am going to stop you. Let’s have a look at some steps to create healthy boundaries with the people around you.
1. Healthy boundaries start with self-love & self-worth
Yes, again the big title of self-love and self-worth. These however, have two different meanings that are intertwined with one another. Self-love starts with self-worth and self-worth starts with self-love. There is no one thing without the other. Self-love is all about you seeing yourself as a complete being. Not needing anyone around you to fill up a gap of emptiness.
Which has no judgment towards you, as we all go through it sometimes. In life we have ups and downs, and the love for ourselves might come and go. However, meditation, yoga and nature will be the observant that brings it back into your life when you need it most.
Self-worth is about how much you value yourself and is an aspect that you need when drawing your boundaries. When you carry a light around you, many people would like to be in the light with you and want to be around you 24/7. Obviously, this is not possible. The question is…”how can you honestly tell people that we need our own time?”
2. Value your own time to recharge
Yes, the way I ended tip 1, I will continue in tip 2. You need your time to recharge as you can’t give energy, love and time when you do not have it. You are a good person, and you hear yourself say: “if it was up to me, I would fill up all my time giving.” However, this is not reachable for anyone. Stick to your own time, so you can recharge and see your path more clear.
When you have so much on your mind, you can’t see clearly where you need to go and what choices to make. Who is good in your life and who is not as they seem. The only way that you can tell is by silence and by recharging your battery. A car needs gas or electricity too when driving, see yourself like the car that needs to be filled up with energy. Like this you can be stronger valuing your boundaries and take your healthy time alone.
3. Being firm is not being mean, do not feel guilty
A person that does not understand your boundaries, and gets angry when you present them, is not a friend. Real friends understand that you need your own time to focus on your own life. If you have a family and children, you can’t go out every night.
There are choices that you have to make in whatever situation you are in. If you are trying to start your own business, you need time to set it all up. If you spend all your time on being social and with your partner, without valuing your own time, the business with never succeed.
Guilt is no way to deal with your boundaries as you should not feel guilty to tell someone you are too tired to meet. You have your obligations and responsibilities and those are going first. The extra pleasures in life can come second, if something becomes too much for you, do not fear to share your opinion. This will avoid explosive or avoidant behavior in the future. I guess we have all been there!
4. Give people a chance, but give yourself a chance too
Support of other people is absolutely an amazing thing to cherish. You need your social life and support of your surroundings. However, not everyone will always agree with you. It could be that someone brings you advice, that in your own intuition does not feel right. Always listen to what your own gut feeling is telling you.
There is no harm in making your own decisions that feel right for you. With time the people around you will see why something was a good option. Even ourselves we can’t always explain our feelings, but with time the universe will make it clear for you. Trust your guidance and your support from your higher self. Listen to the voice within, that is telling you the right path to take and if you can’t make a decision yet, you do not have to make one.
5. Take your time, life is not a race
If you are not sure what is right or wrong and your boundaries are not so clear even to yourself, take your time. If you do not find the answer right away that is oke. Just bring yourself back to the earth and ground yourself. Meditate and sit in nature, and you will see that the next step is presenting itself clearly.
When you let go of what you “have to” do, the answers often present themselves. If not, you will know which action to take. In the Western world you often get so caught up in the “must do’s and I should not complain,” that you forget to love yourself and the boundaries around you.
Conclusion of healthy boundaries
Be clear on what you want and what you do not want, it will bring freedom into your life. Once you start practicing showing your healthy boundaries, it will become easier. As they say “practice makes perfect,” you can do it and I believe in you so much!
I wish you all the best with your healthy boundaries and dare to say “no” if you do not want something. This applies to any situation in your life, there is no harm in saying “no.” The more you understand it, the more you feel the freedom of choice. Say “yes” to all that you would love to do, but once you start living for other people and not taking yourself into account, this is where healthy boundaries are necessary. Believe in your own magnificence.
Love you so much,
The Mindful Magazine