Whether you have a fear of abandonment or commitment issues, these two really are going hand in hand. The fact that you are reading this article and finding more about it is already a sign that you are ready for the next step…. which is healing your fear of abandonment.
Most likely these fears are coming up in romantic relationships and sometimes in friendships too. Why do people always leave me, you may question? You keep trying to keep your people close, but somehow the cycle always ends in the same situation. I am here to tell you that you do not need to worry about it, all can heal with time and acceptance is a big part of it. Let’s move on to the steps on how to heal your fear of abandonment.
1. Where does your fear of abandonment come from?
This is a really important question to understand, however, need to be observed without judgment. You can’t always understand why someone is leaving you and what the reason behind it was.
So, like the previous sentence, the most likely situation is that someone left you when you were a kid, this could have been your father, mother or someone close to you. This left you with a wound of misunderstanding, that unconsciously you have carried with you your whole life.
Another reason could be that one or both of your parents and/ or family members have passed in your younger years, and you felt that connecting to someone only leads to pain as death is always a possibility that can out itself.
Fear of abandonment is not always related to someone leaving, but it certainly can have to do with parents that are emotionally unavailable to you. Therefore, you felt like no one ever had your back and could support you and you become very independent without letting anyone else in your life to help you.
These are just optional situations, but it is very important for yourself to comprehend the why’s in your life, so you can move on to a beautiful phase of healing and improvement.
2. Acknowledge the situation
A big step and the next step in the process is to acknowledge the situation. At the beginning of your life you may have thought something was wrong with you and that is why people are leaving you. In reality the fear of people leaving you, you carry within your DNA and your energy system. So unconsciously you are looking for people that won’t commit to you or who bring you the same pain as you did as a kid. This is totally unfair isn’t it?
Since you are a mirror of the people around you, showing you parts of yourself. These relationships that arrive in your life also show you the part of you that is not ready to commit either. You are too afraid to commit and that is why it is certainly not uncommon that you have a fear of intimacy with someone, or it never comes that far anyways. This all sounds very frustrating, but it is your lesson to learn in this lifetime, and I am in no doubt that you are going to rock it. The big step here is to acknowledge that you have a fear of abandonment, and when you do, you can move on to the next step brave soul!
This is one of the most difficult ones, as you might have blamed the outside world as your relationships and certainly the person who left you in the first place. Forgiveness is a big part of the situation, as when you have not forgiven your parent or the person who left you, you keep blaming other people for leaving you.
While in reality you have not acknowledged the fear of abandonment in the first place, and now you do it is time to forgive yourself for going through these painful situations and forgiving the parent who was emotionally not there for you or who left you. Forgiveness is one of the most effective healing powers in mindfulness.
4. Be patient with yourself & give space to others
You might get a little upset when you are still attracting people in your life that are leaving you, but start to let them go with love. If you can understand that sometimes you control a little too much in order for people to stay in your life. You are a person that needs space, love and freedom and now you have to accept that others need that too.
If you let people free in being themselves, that does not mean you are letting them free to leave you, and sometimes these two could get mixed up. You feel if you can control the situation this won’t happen again. Let me spoil the fun for you, the more you provide them with space, the more they will stay by your side. Healthy boundaries are important for both parties. Patience comes with time and if you do not nail your relationships yet, try explaining the other person about it. That brings us to our next step.
Acceptance is the part where you dare to speak out loud about the fact that you have a fear of abandonment and that you can talk to someone else about it. In this way the other person can let you know when you are crossing the line when it comes to controlling or becoming emotionally unavailable yourself. When you find the right person, they will be patient with you and this will certainly happen when you have accepted these fears within you.
No longer you have to fear or run after people for their approval, you are just accepting yourself for who you are and that your past has defined you. But now you know how to change it and you are taking your time with it. You are just human after all! Accept that you are a beautiful being that is living an earthly experience in which you learn step by step. Bring other people in the process by explaining where you are coming from, this will break the barriers of a fear of intimacy at the same time. Letting people in is a difficult process, but certainly not impossible. You deserve love just like everyone else!
6. A wonderful life ahead & know you deserve love
It is time to get out there and enjoy life living in the present, feeling every inch of life around you as it passes by. You are not trying to control or please the situation, but you accept the road that you are going ahead. Maybe this road is uncertain and you might get hurt again one day, but now you understand this is just part of life. You became stronger because of your fear of abandonment and now you are ready to face life full on. Know that you deserve love and it is out there for everyone, love is easy and should not hurt.
Love is easy, this is the mantra you should tell yourself every day! Look in the mirror and see how amazing you are. When you do, others reflect this back on you.
Wish you all the best dear soul, you can heal yourself and have a wonderful life ahead full of love!