Do you really know your family, friends and/or your partner? Are you listening to what they are saying? Or are you listening what you want to hear? These questions need to be asked. If you want to have a close and good relationship with any particular person, may it be business-wise, intimate or a relative, you have to understand that at some point you need to listen. I know you want to tell your own story to others, but don’t you see? Others want to share their story with you too. Or what about the silent ones, have you ever asked them a question? What does their silence mean and how can you get to know them better? Let’s have some steps here why people do not listen to others.
1. Your own story has no space
You are so busy with your daily life and now this person wants to tell her/ his story too. At this moment you can’t handle that. This is certainly possible and it can happen to anyone. But in stead of becoming impatient, angry or you simply do not listen at all, explain that person your situation. It is true that when your life is not organized and your own space is filled with too many things, it is very hard to make space for others. Therefore, take some rest and create space for other people after that. Spend some time on your own and ask yourself why you are so full with thoughts? Love yourself first, care for yourself first, but make people understand your side. Without sharing your side, people can’t guess how you are feeling.
2. A need to be heard
You have so many stories to tell that you would like to share, that do not give others a moment to tell something. However, if you feel like you want to have the microphone a lot in conversations, put a mirror in front of you and ask yourself: “Why do I want to be heard so much?” Well….it could have something to do with you growing up in a family that did not really care for you or did not have a particular interest in your life. You had to scream for attention in order to be noticed. Or someone else in your family got all the attention and you were left out (the black sheep).
It could be that your partner is very busy and has no time to listen to your daily frustrations, agenda’s and achievements. As human beings we love to share with the collective how we feel, but often we do not feel understood or we feel judged. We are all unique, considering that, is judgment really necessary?
4. I know it all, I do not need to listen
You feel like you have learned already a lot in life and listening to others is a waste of your time. Hold there for one moment…. how can you ever know everything? This is your ego speaking thinking that it knows all. But if we drop the illusion of the ego, we know very well that there is something new to learn every single day, hour, minute and second. Everyone around you carries their own story, which could be more than interesting for you to listen to.
Did you know that many times the people you speak with, give you hidden hints for your own life. Each and every person coming into your life is teaching you something. You would be crazy not to listen unless it is a very toxic conversation, then yes, leave it and move on. Nobody knows it all, we are all here to learn. So open your ears and take your time. Let people finish their conversation and get to know them better. What does their heart say? What does their reality look like? Suddenly people become much more interesting.
Also keep in mind your ideas are not always the best, there are more people in the room with ideas and then after you discuss and listen, merge the ideas and come to a beautiful conclusion. Collaboration leads to success, nobody can do everything alone.
5. Immediate dislike to someone
When you meet someone and you do not like them. You feel like an immediate feeling of ignoring that person. However, sometimes people who are not feeling great could have been through something really difficult. There are other sides to every story. Try to understand why someone is acting a certain way and it might even change your perspective of liking the person.
When you have a certain understanding of what someone is going through, you can complete your vision and learn from it. After this complete knowledge, you can decide if you still like someone or not. It could be that the person is not in a good place right now. Just understand where they are coming from, send them love and let them be.
Conclusion, just listen to what I have to say
My suggestion to you is that you respect everyone around you with their stories, if you agree or not. Every individual has a right to be heard. Start with your children and listen to them, this is where the story of their life starts. What I can recommend you as a parent is, be mindful with your children.
Do not take conversations so heavy, just be light about it. Listen from a perspective of involvement, but detached at the same time. Keep your own space in the conversation without mingling too much. This is very difficult but with practice you can get there.
Take an example of The Unusual Buddha, who takes the practices of Buddhism in combination with some fun! Now it is really easy for people to listen. Adjust the conversation to the person you are speaking to, but always speak from the heart so that others in return, can have a look in how you feel. The more you make people understand how you are feeling, the more they will listen. If not, it could be due to one of the reasons above. But do not worry, I hope they read this post and understand why it is so hard to listen for them.
Write down what you want to say
If you really feel the need to say something to someone and you do not want to interrupt their story. Just write it down, so you can listen with full attention. Hopefully, you understand a little better that every single person wants to tell their story.
I am always here and I believe in your capabilities. My true wish for you is to evolve as a human being. I (The Mindful Magazine) am your free tool to help you grow. The only thing you have to do is looking from within and before you know it, your attitude becomes more and more positive and you become more patient when listening to others.
Try to meditate for your own peace of mind and learn how to love yourself. When you love yourself you have more capability of listening to others, as you are comfortable in your own skin and you do not feel like you need to prove anything to someone.
Good luck my fellow human being! You can do this!